I remember when I was a kid, waking up on easter was one of my favourite holidays. I always had a chocolate rabbit in a little basket with other little treats outside my bedroom door. Then later on my brother and I had an easter egg hunt in the backyard, which, by the way, was not an easy task considering the size of our backyard then and the ridiculous number of trees and hiding places. Another quirk Mom - sorry, "the easter bunny" - did was put little chocolate eggs in all of our shoes. Literally every pair. Sometimes months later, we would be putting on shoes finding little foil wrapped chocolate eggs inside. My parents were always great easter bunnies, tooth fairies, and santa. They always went all out, leaving little notes from them. I remember once when i lost a tooth my mom even left a tiiiiiiny handwritten note under my pillow with my toonie or whatever. I was basically ecstatic haha.
So I've decided I am going to get over my ocd. I have no idea how, or where to start for that matter, but i'm sick of living with it. I'm sick of the routines and daily rituals I go through, the panic/anxiety attacks, and bad episodes. I need to take control because it's beginning to control me. And the last thing I want is to have to live with this forever. I think I'm really realizing this now because i'm starting to notice it less and less...if that makes any sense at all. Here - I'm not noticing my ocd as much because it feels so natural, that's how I know it's getting worse. That's a little better? Either way, I was watching Obsessed today on A&E and most of them started with the routines I have, and around my age. I can't end up like them. If they can do it, with much more severe cases, then I can. I am determined. It's going to suck, and be scary, and expose me to things I avoid. I will try and keep you posted. Wish me luck!
Also, I want my tattoo soon. Well honestly I want my tattoo like 12 months ago, but I'll deal with now. I have a feeling I will deal with the needles horribly. Although I have a fairly high pain tolerance, that's not the issue. Even just getting a shot makes me pass out. Not because i'm afraid of needles, or what the injection is, or because of pain. I just, always, pass out! The only time I haven't was with my ears and nose getting pierced. I did pass out when I got my bellybutton pierced though. Ah, it's very strange.
Tomorrow I am seeing my friend Shayla, it's been a while and should be nice to catch up! I am crossing my fingers for sunny weather!
Much love,
J
- 4 days until boyfriend is home!! it's been the longest 2 weeks of my life.
